My Walk to Emmaus

I have a decision to make. I blogged last time about taking a leap of faith, jumping off my "swing" and moving forward. That decision is difficult. It isn't just a change of school, it's moving away from friends and family, from comfort and security, and also stepping into the unknown. A new school, especially at this point, means going back to the beginning, making new friends, making a new name for myself, essentially, taking all that I have been blessed with these last two years at UD and trusting that God will bless me in my transition.


I have been praying a lot and asking God to give me a sign, clear directions, some foolproof way of knowing that He wants me at Franciscan. As I have discerned this transfer more, I've got the feeling that I'm supposed to be there. There is some aspect of Franciscan that is drawing me into it's grasp, but I keep getting caught on the "What ifs". I have talked to basically everyone I know, some of them have heard me drone on multiple times, and I get very strong opinions about both schools. I keep hoping that one of these times, someone is going to say "You need to go to Franciscan because that's where God wants you." Now, if that happened, I would be more than happy, but chances are that's not going to happen. The multiple different opinions I'm getting are great, they give me information about my options, but what is really important is the way I react. That says just as much about what the deepest desire of my heart really is, and that is where God's opinion lies. So, I have to start listening ...


For what though?  A disembodied voice in the distance, a dream of God coming to me, an Annunciation-like event? None of these things actually, because God speaks to the depths of our hearts, the place that only He resides. He speaks to us in ways that are unique to our relationships with Him. 


I think that God has been speaking to me through the Scriptures. In all this noise that I have created for myself, He needed a new way to get to me. Two weekends ago, the 24th, the readings came from Kings and Romans. The first reading is about Solomon, who asks God for a discerning heart with which he will judge his people fairly. God responds to Solomon, granting his request because he asked not for himself, but for the service of his people and for God. The second reading starts off with these words:

"Brothers and sisters:

We know that all things work for good for those who love God, 

who are called according to his purpose."

  The song for the day was "Seek ye First". To me there seemed to be a message during Mass, "ask and the door shall be opened, seek and you shall find". That says it all. I'm looking for God and I'm asking for God's will to be done, and God will be faithful and help me discover what that means. This past Sunday, the readings seemed to pop out at me again. The story of the loaves and fishes, the reading from Isaiah proclaiming that all who hunger and thirst will have their fill in the Lord, then our proclaiming in the psalm that  "The hand of the Lord feeds us" and in Romans, the proclamation that nothing can separate us from the love of God. These readings have reminded me that God will be faithful to my pleadings for direction and security, and that I need to make a decision. After that decision is made, God won't stop being faithful and He won't leave me to flounder if I made the wrong decision. There is safety in His arms.


I think this is a testament to the fact that the Bible is the LIVING Word of God. It was written in a certain time and for a certain purpose, but it speaks to people of every age. It wasn't like God woke up before Mass and realized He needed to talk to me so he wrote the Scriptures. NO, they have been there all along. I have read them and sang the songs multiple times, but this I think is where my blog comes full circle. The name of my blog is "My Walk to Emmaus" from the story of the two disciples on the walk to Emmaus with Christ. "Were not our hearts burning within us as we walked along the way and he opened the Scriptures to us?" These scriptures may not have changed since they were written, but along this journey of discernment, Christ truly opened the Scriptures to me and allowed the Holy Spirit to set my heart on fire for Him.