Quick update -- This school year has flown by. It has been up, down, and spiraling in and out of control, but every step has been a major movement in growth. If I were to update you in all of the happenings we would either have 100 or so blogs or the longest blog in the history of the world.
Some major highlights:
- I went on retreat at St. Meinrads and it was a beautiful and though provoking experience
- I lead a retreat for First year students on campus as co-director. I definitely learned the importance of responsibility and organization.
- I went on a retreat with the Franciscan Sisters, T.O.R. of Penance of the Sorrowful Mother, near Steubenville, Ohio and it was one of the most formative experiences I have had.
- I've been able to spend lots of time with those I love, even though I wish I had more time to spend with everyone.
So that is a really, really quick update.
In the beginning, I started this blog to talk about discernment, my journey and my musings as a religion student. I have yet to really talk about any of these things (or anything else for that matter), and I think now would be a good time to start.
Right now, in my discernment, I'm realizing that I have been trying to force the journey. Instead of letting each step happen as it should, I have been forcefully putting one foot in front of the other, taking what seems to be the next appropriate step. It has left me worn and discontent with where I'm at, so I'm trying to let it go -- let go and let God -- and take things in time. My spiritual director has been telling me for months to be where my feet are and focus on my vocation as a student - I'm obviously not a good listener. This has raised a lot of interesting questions for those who ask where I'm at with my discernment or what I want to do with my life. I decided to answer these questions with a reflection on calling.
I've often been asked, "Why would you choose religious life?" or "When are you going to decide?" I find these questions really hard to answer. I know that everyone's experience of calling is very different and unique, just as our relationships with Christ are. For me, discerning religious life isn't me deciding that I don't want children or a family, it is something more than just choosing. It is a discussion with God about what His will for my life is. At some point, yes, there will be a choice, but at that point it will be choosing to follow God's will for my life. I pray that God will give me the grace and strength to say "yes" no matter what that means. Until that point, my calling has been God slowly pulling me in different directions, each time bringing a new chance to grow. It has been a slow pull instead of a set decision. It is also not an easy process. The Archdiocese of Cincinnati uses the saying, "There are rarely trumpets or midnight visions" to describe the journey of discerning and hearing the call of God. How true that is! Sometimes God is pulling me in a way that is completely different than the direction I had been moving, and sometimes I let myself get in the way. During these times, those who are close to me become confused and wonder why I keep "changing my mind". I used to wonder that as well, but as I move and learn, I'm beginning to realize it is just another part of the process, not just changing my mind. If that were true, I think someone discerning religious life would seem like someone who could never make up their mind. :) It is taking another step forward in a long and sometimes confusing journey to a wonderful union with the Beloved. The quote I included for this blog is just about listening to the Divine Sheperd -- He knows us by name!
Well, that was a fast update and a little insight into where I am at on my "walk". Back to studying for finals.
In the beginning, I started this blog to talk about discernment, my journey and my musings as a religion student. I have yet to really talk about any of these things (or anything else for that matter), and I think now would be a good time to start.
Right now, in my discernment, I'm realizing that I have been trying to force the journey. Instead of letting each step happen as it should, I have been forcefully putting one foot in front of the other, taking what seems to be the next appropriate step. It has left me worn and discontent with where I'm at, so I'm trying to let it go -- let go and let God -- and take things in time. My spiritual director has been telling me for months to be where my feet are and focus on my vocation as a student - I'm obviously not a good listener. This has raised a lot of interesting questions for those who ask where I'm at with my discernment or what I want to do with my life. I decided to answer these questions with a reflection on calling.
I've often been asked, "Why would you choose religious life?" or "When are you going to decide?" I find these questions really hard to answer. I know that everyone's experience of calling is very different and unique, just as our relationships with Christ are. For me, discerning religious life isn't me deciding that I don't want children or a family, it is something more than just choosing. It is a discussion with God about what His will for my life is. At some point, yes, there will be a choice, but at that point it will be choosing to follow God's will for my life. I pray that God will give me the grace and strength to say "yes" no matter what that means. Until that point, my calling has been God slowly pulling me in different directions, each time bringing a new chance to grow. It has been a slow pull instead of a set decision. It is also not an easy process. The Archdiocese of Cincinnati uses the saying, "There are rarely trumpets or midnight visions" to describe the journey of discerning and hearing the call of God. How true that is! Sometimes God is pulling me in a way that is completely different than the direction I had been moving, and sometimes I let myself get in the way. During these times, those who are close to me become confused and wonder why I keep "changing my mind". I used to wonder that as well, but as I move and learn, I'm beginning to realize it is just another part of the process, not just changing my mind. If that were true, I think someone discerning religious life would seem like someone who could never make up their mind. :) It is taking another step forward in a long and sometimes confusing journey to a wonderful union with the Beloved. The quote I included for this blog is just about listening to the Divine Sheperd -- He knows us by name!
Well, that was a fast update and a little insight into where I am at on my "walk". Back to studying for finals.
"The watchman opens the gate for him, and the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice."
~(John 10:3-4)~
Cassie,
ReplyDeleteYou know that I love you and hope that you find your answer as you journey onward. I'm sure that God will show you the way he wants you to go - listen carefully. I have to say that I enjoyed your blog this time and hope that you continue to share. I believe that your decision to let it be God's will shows that you are growing up and making wise decisions. As you know, I am proud of the woman you have become and know that you will find your calling.
MOM