What is Lay Consecrated Life?

Just checking in to update you on how the journey to Trinidad is going! A little over 6 months ago, I began fundraising to help with my student loans so that I could join Living Water Community as a consecrated woman. Thanks to generous sponsors, I have raised $37,665 towards my goal of paying off/covering as much of my $90,000 in student loan debt. This assistance will allow me to move to Trinidad to freely discern life as a lay consecrated missionary giving my life back to God.

So if you have been part of this process through prayer or financial assistance, I cannot tell you how much I appreciate you! I keep you in my prayers daily.

So, all of that being said, what exactly does it mean to be a lay consecrated living in community with Living Water? It can sound a little confusing if you aren't familiar with the lingo, so here is a quick breakdown:

Living Water Community: A community formally recognized as a lay association of Christ Faithful
 that serves those in need throughout the Caribbean. The communities mission is "is to be in the world today a presence of God's unconditional love, mercy forgiveness healing and peace."*

Consecrated Woman - A lay person who is consecrated to serve Jesus and the Catholic Church community by living the evangelical counsels (poverty, celibate chastity and obedience).**
Household Member - "means sharing life with others in the Community where everything is shared in common and lived as family, and “called to live a way of life that will lead them to holiness of charity through the observance of the evangelical counsels..."**

Hopefully this breakdown gives a little insight into what, God willing, I will be doing with my life!

*Taken from the Living Water Community Statutes
** Taken from the Living Water Community website

Simplicity of Joy and the Beauty of Saying Goodbye

 I have learned that giving pieces of your heart away never limits how much you can love, but instead increases it. The pain that you feel is not heart break; it’s what happens when your heart is full.

I don’t often talk about my daily life for work, because for me it is rather … well, daily. But this week, as I refocused my energy, the uniqueness of what I do every day was unfurled. It’s not so much that caring for babies in Costa Rica is any different than taking care of children in the U.S., but more the perspective that I brought to the job. As I refocused myself, I realized two beautiful parts of my day that I hadn’t quite tapped into before – the simple things that bring forth joy and the beauty of hellos and goodbyes.

First things first – joy. It’s amazing what can spark joy in a little child. The instant I walk into work every day, I visit the halls to say hello to all the different kids. As Lauren and I walk in, the kids yell our names and run towards us. They are joyful that their playmates have come. As I feed the kids their lunch, they smile and giggle as I make silly noises. They are joyful just because someone is taking the time to give them attention. As their moms come to pick them up for merienda, lunch and to go home, I see the kid’s faces light up as the get hugged up by their mom. They are joyful because they have hugs and love. It doesn’t matter the situation – a toy, juice, a song – these kids are joyful. It is my favorite part about going to work every morning, is just the fact that every simple thing brings a smile to their faces. I think it is also a lesson we need to learn. Joy doesn’t have to be a complicated mess of making yourself joyful. It’s as easy as looking at some things with the eyes of a child. I’m learning slowly through my work at La Posada that by celebrating the little things – baby snuggles, hugs, jokes with the moms, community – as little rays of sunshine, joy comes so much easier.

This little girl is just full of joy! The two girls in the foreground are fighting, and she's all smiles!

Now, work isn’t always a joyful affair. Girls leave La Posada for a lot of different reasons. Sometimes they get in trouble and are asked to leave, sometimes they turn 18 and leave, sometimes they are able to return to their parents. Sometimes they run away and sometimes they know they are leaving for days. People keep telling me that after so many goodbyes you get used to it. I’m not sure that’s true. I love each of these kids and their moms with everything that I have to give them, as I try to with most people, which means that every time I say goodbye a little part of my heart goes with them. That being said, we said goodbye to one of the moms and two little girls that I’m truly fond of. It was in saying goodbye that I got to truly appreciate the time I spent with those girls. They will always be in my prayers and my heart, but I truly got to appreciate the gifts that they gave me.

And in saying goodbye, there is room for more girls at Posada.  It’s hard to say goodbye, but seeing that new girls get to come is beautiful. Posada offers something unique to the girls that isn’t offered in the other homes throughout Costa Rica. They offer a place for both the mothers and their children to grow in an environment that is directly oriented to their needs. As much as I might get frustrated with my work some days, it’s amazing to keep that in mind. While some occasions when the girls leave are less then desirable, there is always the silver lining of welcoming new people. It’s a lesson I’m learning over and over, the relationship that ends when saying goodbye opens up room for new life to be given. I’ve learned that giving pieces of your heart away never limits how much you can love, but instead increases it. The pain that you feel is not heart break; it’s what happens when your heart is full.

Saying goodbye to my two girls. Love, tears and hugs

Searching

I’ve started (and promptly erased) many attempts at a blog post these last few weeks. I’m not sure why I find it so hard to write to you all; I rarely run out of words. There’s so much to tell – good and difficult. I realized that I haven’t really updated at all about my life here. The last blog was more an outpouring of my heart from my work, but it wasn’t really of substance. That being said, there will be a lot more to come I’m sure. But, this is all that comes to mind right now. I hope it gives you some insight onto what this time has brought.

I’m searching…

Searching as I pace back and forth from my room, to the kitchen, to the hill, to my room again -
as I check Facebook, almost obsessively, and check my e-mail just as often

I’m think I’m searching for words,

But really I seek something different.
I’m looking for the familiar,
for the known,
for settled-ness
I’m searching for comfort.
I’m searching to know I’m capable, safe and loved.
I’m searching for…
me.

But what I’m finding is newness -
new house
new friends

new work
new kids
new music

new language.
Everything new and challenging

and I wonder if I can assimilate to it all?
Can I take it all in?
Can I adapt, change,
mutate into something that fits here -
a Gringa masquerading in the outfit of a conquistador.
Here to change the world,
be your best friend and confidant
to love and to save.

What have I found?
I’ve found that a besito can heal a wound,
trust can turn un loco into a gentleman,
teaching guitar isn’t the most important part of guitar lessons,
and taking your time brings many blessings.
I’ve found that despite all that’s new,
there is something familiar.

I’ve found me.

A gringa
struggling to speak and teach and love.
I’ve found that instead of changing the world,
I’m going to be changed by it.
I’ve found that my struggles, insecurities and questions
were packed in my suitcase.
I’ve found that I would love to be a mother,

and a Sister,

and a teacher,
and whatever else,
as long as I could show someone they are loved.
I’ve found that I haven’t learned it all and I never will.
I’ve found that I will change, adapt and grow in the face of challenge.
I’ve found that God will always be faithful

and goodbyes will always be hard.
I’ve found God in all those things above.
As a counselor,

A friend,
A confidant,
A source of strength,
as my Beloved.

But most importantly, I’ve found that there will always be love.

Life's Little Lessons

Here’s for the important stuff. You know, the reason you all helped me out? I’m hoping to share a little bit about my life here in Costa Rica, but most importantly the work that I will be doing. Instead of doing this in the biggest blog post ever, I’m going to introduce my life through the little lessons that I learned.

Life’s Little Lessons: Living in Another Country

1.  There are many different dialects in the Spanish language – Ten cuidad!! Watch out, because you can say something that you don’t mean to and it can be very bad. Here’s a pretty hilarious video that explains what I mean:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4LjDe4sLER0&feature=youtu.be&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D4LjDe4sLER0&nomobile=1
2. It rains – a lot. I don’t just mean there are a lot of little showers. There are a lot of torrential downpours with big booming lighting. It’s beautiful and a little nerve-wracking at the same time. Running (or in my case attempting to run) up a street – that has many potholes –with ankle deep amounts of water while soaked is quite an adventure.
3.  Speaking of adventures – it is absolutely important to learn the bus schedule early. Standing 20 minutes in the rain after running up said street is not easier. Waiting for 45 minutes for a bus, that you think might be coming any time now, is pretty frustrating. Every single bus looks like yours … except for the one that you don’t flag down which is, in fact, your bus!
4. Don’t judge a book by its cover – I continuously learn this lesson. Our guardian Friar at first glance seems stern and a little intimidating. But then, we ate dinner with him and we realized he is HILARIOUS! We have such a great time. He also has the heart of a grandfather and is seriously making sure that we have more than we need and are taken care of.

Life’s Little Lessons: Mi Trabajo (My Work)
For those of you who do not know, I’m working at a home that serves around 100 teen mothers. These mothers are given the opportunity to work (they have a restaurant, a beauty salon and some other things they can help with) and have an education. Their children, ages 0-5, are live on the property with them and are together in daycare. I’ve only been there two days, but so far I have been helping take care of children who can walk (1.5 to 5 yrs). This is what I have learned:

1. Never say never – After changing my major from Education, I said I would never be a teacher. Well, I may be teaching music to the mothers who are forming a choir! I may be helping lead said choir. I may also be helping pick out instruments for the very same choir! How might you ask does this have anything to do with daycare, well …
2. Be careful what you PRAY for – I’ve always been worried that I wouldn’t keep up with my music and that there would always be better musicians than myself who could do a much better job. Well, I prayed that God would find a way to let me use my music. When we arrived at Posada de Belen, the VP asked myself and Lauren (the other volunteer), if any of us played guitar. I hesitatingly said that I played a little. Well, it then came out that I play a few different instruments and sing … and generally know about music. That ended with the VP saying that we were God’s answers to her needs and that she was going to use all that we had to offer. This could get interesting.
3. Learning patience is good, learning confidence is necessary, learning indifference to certain bodily fluids is a miracle. I never thought I’d be looking up Spanish phrases for “Is that pee?” “This child’s diaper leaked through his pants” “Stop putting your hands in your pants” “Stop climbing on the tables” “DO NOT CHOKE THE BABY!” and many, many more phrases. I also never thought that I would be wiping pee from children’s hands and feet as they played in the puddles of pee left over from another child during nap time.

My final little lesson for you:

• Love can be quantified – I’m not saying that when a kid says “I love you this much”, he or she only loves you as much as the space that they leave between their arms. What I’m saying is that love is so physically visible. It’s palpable. When you sit down and a little girl wants nothing more than to sit on your lap and watch the world. When someone is so dedicated to their call to serve others that they are so generous they leave me speechless. When, after a long day of doing everything wrong, you tell a little boy that you are so proud of him for sharing his book and doing something good that he smiles so big and then runs into your arms. That’s love. Tangible, breathable, over-the-top, love. 

Bienvenido a Costa Rica, FrancisCorps 15

“It’s OK if getting exactly what you worked and prayed and fought for — whatever it is — scares you like hell. It’s OK, but know this: there is a place inside you — this dynamic, living, breathing, transformation-in-progress that you are — where something constant can and does dwell. That constant is God.” – Caitlin Kim

Looking through my blog, I noted that I often start my posts by marking time that has passed. Partly because it gives a time frame for what’s happening in my life and it’s an easy lead. But also, because I feel like time passes so quickly and it’s often a whirlwind of activity that pushes me to post.  Well, it HAS been a whirlwind of activity since the last blog I posted, but I think I’m going to start this one off with a quote.

Right before graduation, a friend recommended this blog on transitions. I didn't quite take it seriously until I stumbled upon this quote – which I've been reflecting on ever since.  It is so appropriate to how I've felt these last two weeks.  I've been excited about the adventure that is coming my way. I've been a little sad because I've missed my family, friends and Trinidad so much. But mostly, I've been a little scared. I was blessed with a great vacation with my family to help me relax, but that didn't stop nerves from setting in as we pulled up to the house in Syracuse. It wasn't even the thought of moving away for a year. That hadn't really set in yet. It was the unknown of the community members that I was about to meet. Well, those fears were all for naught, because our community (both those in Syracuse and my community members in Costa Rica) are AMAZING! They are all such beautiful and supportive people. We spent a week getting to know each other – a couple days on retreat in New York and a few days at the Jersey shore. It was such a great time of fellowship, quotes and awkward accents.

Like I said, it took me most of that time to realize that I wasn’t staying in Syracuse to do my work. After working two days in the Food Pantry, it was really hard to believe that our community was splitting up and that I was leaving the country for a YEAR! It really hit me on the plane ride on Wednesday when I realized that when we landed, I was expected to speak Spanish. All. The. Time. Needless to say I was absolutely scared out of my wits. My stomach was in knots (that might have been because I left my Kindle on the plane and was freaking out) and my head was spinning trying to remember anything I’d ever learned in Spanish class. Well, all was well. We have enjoyed three meals with the Franciscan Friars that are sharing their space with us and even though I often get lost, they are patient and helpful and think my inability to speak Spanish is hilarious. Good example, the other night a Friar was sitting alone with the pizza and I asked “Por qué estas soltero?” which means “Why are you single?” NOT “Why are you alone?” He thought that was quite hilarious.

So, while the anxiety is fluctuating with every new experience, I’m coming to peace with the adventure of life here. Remembering that God is at the center of all this and I am sure that it is His will that I’m here and He will always remain faithful. Hope in transition. Anyway, I’m unpacked and settled in, although I’m still not sure I realize how long a year is despite how quick it might go. We are starting to talk about community life and expectations and all that jazz, so all is on the way. Our director will be here in a couple of hours to get our Costa Rican orientation started and we’ll move forward from there. I’ll update again soon and let you all know about my work site, but for now here are a few pictures of my new home.

Our house from a distance

La entrada al Convento
 (The entrance to the convent - we call this the tree of life)

Gorgeous bushes everywhere!

The view of the mounains from the chapel at the Friary. 

Looking Back

It’s been a long time since I've posted – here or on my other blog. I've decided since we are celebrating Jesus’ resurrection, I would bring my blog back to life. Just kidding! I've actually decided to start blogging again in preparation for my year of service. I’m hoping to use this blog to keep in touch with you all.

To begin, I’d like to share my Easter reflections and thoughts.

One year ago, I was standing in Italy celebrating Easter at the Vatican. It’s hard to believe that that was only 365 days ago, so much has happened. I remember standing in line, early in the morning, anxiously waiting to run into the piazza to get a seat close enough to see Pope Benedict. In the last year, Pope Benedict did the unexpected and resigned. We waited excitedly for the announcement of a new Holy Father.  When the white smoke went up, my classmates and I huddled around the computer to watch as Pope Francis, the Pope of firsts emerged on the balcony. It was a joyful moment in the Church. For me, it was a historic year.

I remember standing and praying with the faithful of the Church at the Vatican, overcome by the Tradition that is our Church. It was a very powerful moment for me. It was during those celebrations of the Church that I reaffirmed my commitment as a Catholic. It was there that I saw the truth of the Body of Christ, in all different nationalities and languages surrounding me. I felt at home in a place that was over 4700 miles away from my family. It was Church in all of its beauty and ritual. In the past year, I've traveled to El Salvador twice and seen the other side of faith. Throughout this year, I've met people who have nothing, people who have lost those they love, people who are confused and feel abandoned by the Church. Hearing their stories and learning their pain challenged my faith in the Church. It called me to challenge teachings of the Church and find my own standing. While I don’t have the answers, it started a journey of growing into my faith.  For all of these reasons, it has been a challenging year.

I remember going to Confession with a priest on Ash Wednesday and he encouraged me to make Lent a time to find God in my life again. He said that I sounded lost and confused, and that I needed to center myself on Christ. I remember standing in Assisi overlooking the valley as the sun rose promising myself that I was going to move forward; I was going to become a better Christian. I wanted to use my final year at UD to figure out who God was calling me to be and have my life all figured out. Over the past year, I've questioned a lot. I've prayed in new ways and tried to find an authentic relationship with God. On the way, I became more authentic with myself. With the help of some extremely important and wonderful people, I found out a lot about myself. Part of this discovery can be attributed to those wonderful people in my life being bluntly honest with me, part of it from the challenges of traveling, and part of it from lots of reflection. It hasn't been easy, but in the end it’s been the beautiful start to a lifelong process. As for figuring my life out, I changed my major, completely refigured my plan for after graduation and have no idea what I’m doing for the rest of my life. The fact that this doesn't scare me (quite as much) like it did before shows me that there has been growth. It has been a year of discovery.

In my reflection, I've seen how epic this past year has been. I can’t even believe that the person I am now is the same person who got on a plane and went to Italy for four months. While I celebrated Easter this year, I celebrated two resurrections. That of Christ- the Resurrection that conquered death , and the resurrection of self – the true me rising from the busy and crazy of life that I momentarily got caught up in. It’s hard to believe that in just a few weeks, I’ll be graduating from college and moving forward in life. But the challenges and growth over the last year have shown me that I will be able to survive in the “real world”. While I don’t know exactly what the world holds for me, I do know that where I will be for at least a year. I will be spending a year in Costa Rica with a year-long service program called FrancisCorps. Along with a few other young adults, I will be serving the poor in Alajuela as I continue to grow figure out who I am.  It is sure to be another year of epic adventures and I hope you will continue following me here!

Peace and Blessings to you all!

**Shameless plug – if you’ve made it this far into the post and are interested in helping support my service work in Costa Rica, you can visit my page at the following website address OR send me a comment on here and we can work something out!! Thank you**

https://www.youcaring.com/mission-trip-fundraiser/fundraiser-for-franciscorps/51015